Parents.

Helping Your Teen Make Good Decisions

At the end of the day, the decision to use drugs or gamble will be faced by each child.

While we cannot control the choices they make, we can help guide our children by giving them the best tools to help them make good decisions in their lives.

Laying the Foundation

In order to make good decisions, children need to develop a healthy sense of self-esteem.

They need to feel good about themselves and see themselves as being competent, capable, and connected. Kids also need to be taught how to make decisions and the process for making choices when there are a number of options to choose.

It may be helpful to talk about the decision making process with your child in a way that makes sense to both parent and child.

The five basic steps of decision-making are:

1. Define the problem
2. List the options
3. Choose the best option
4. Act on the option
5. Evaluate the action taken
   

Obviously, parents will need to break this down, but it is helpful to use these steps for any situation where there are several choices and one option needs to be taken.

Help your child identify what the problem, question or concern might be. Help them identify the range of choices and options they have to choose from. For a younger child it may be a decision about what to do on a Saturday morning, for your teenager, it may be decisions about which party to attend.

In selecting the best option, it’s important to list all the positives and negatives around each of the choices. In thinking through the positives and negatives, it’s important that kids understand what might be some consequences of each of these choices for themselves and others. Help them chose the best option and put it in action.

Once the decision is made, look back at the decision with your child and discuss how they felt about it. Do they feel it was the best choice? Explore why or why not.

Real Life, Real Choices

Children and youth need to be given the opportunity to participate in and contribute to day-to-day life.

Give them opportunities to experience success and to feel good about themselves.

Giving your child responsibilities and allowing them some choice among hobbies and activities, can help them feel good about themselves and their ability to make decisions.

Connections

A sense of feeling connected with positive influences will contribute to good decision-making. It may also serve to keep kids from seeking out belonging with groups that may not provide such a positive influence.

We can support our children’s sense of connection by encouraging them to participate in school and community based activities. Being involved in extra-curricular, volunteering and civic activities are great ways of building confidence and self esteem.

Getting involved in these or other activities with your child is a fantastic way to model good behavior, building your relationship, as well as providing opportunities for sharing and talking.

Show Them What You’re Made Of

In relation to alcohol, other drug use and gambling, parents can help their kids make healthy choices by exploring both positives and negatives. Kids know there are feel-good effects to drug use so it is important to have a discussion that acknowledges both benefits and risks.

It can be helpful to discuss reasons why some people might choose to use alcohol or other drugs.

Reasons for using may include a need to feel popular, to fit in, or to have fun. Problem solve with your child about other options and choices that might be available to meet these needs.

Explain that despite what people might say or think, everyone is not using alcohol or other drugs.
According to the 2007 NL Student Drug Use Survey, 11% of grade 7 students report alcohol use compared to 50% of grade 9 students. Despite the jump in grade 9, half of students do not report alcohol use!

Get Your Message Straight

In helping your child with healthy decision making around alcohol, other drugs and gambling, it’s important to highlight that kids may get all kinds of mixed messages about substance use and gambling.

As kids enter the pre-adolescent years, it is important to discuss some of the mixed messages they might be getting about alcohol, drug use or gambling.

Find out what they think about these messages. What are their friends or other peers saying?

What about the messages in movies, television or the music they hear?

Explore some of these messages and have an honest discussion about some of the pressures this might cause. Help your child problem solve about how they can handle these messages and help them understand they can make their own individual choices based on their own information.

Back up the “No”

Every child will be faced with the decision to use alcohol, other drugs or become involved with gambling.

Instead of saying ‘no’ because a parent insists, it’s important that kids understand for themselves the important reasons for staying away from alcohol or other drugs. In addition, its helpful to practice with your child how they might deal with actual situations where they might feel pressured to use alcohol, other drugs or become involved in gambling. How can they respond to these situations?

Practice ways of responding to various situations and scenarios. Encourage your child to think through how they might respond, what can they do to get out of the situation, and who could they rely on for help.

Don’t underestimate your child in coming up with creative ideas and solutions and their ability to say ‘no’ to things they don’t want. It is helpful however to talk with your child and help them prepare for these situations.

Your previous efforts in supporting your child’s self confidence and helping them make good decisions will give them a good foundation as they deal with these pressures.

In some drug education classes, kids are taught basic resistance skills in how they can respond to drug situations. Kids have been given options to respond including coming up with an excuse to support their ‘no’ when offered alcohol or other drugs. Responses can include, not wanting to be late for class again, having to be home at a certain hour, needing to wait for a friend, or passing off situations with a joke or humor. Explore what might best work for your child and her/his social situations.

Life Lessons

As your child gets older, they will make their own decisions in life including choices on the use of alcohol, other drugs and gambling. As parents, all we can do is support our children by providing them with the tools to make the best possible decisions. Sometimes kids will make poor choices and we must use these moments as further learning opportunities with our kids.
So, remember- keep the lines of communication open, and do your best!

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