Parents.

How to Set and Enforce Rules About Alcohol and Other Drugs

Stay on Track

It's easy to become upset when talking about issues that you feel strongly about, and sometimes discussions can fall off track, but it's crucial that you try to stay focused on the topic at hand. Sometimes we can become so centered on punishing, being right, or keeping the peace, that we don't actually make ourselves clear. One good way to maintain your focus is to establish goals prior to speaking with your teen. That way you can keep you motives central, and continue to be a powerful influence on your teen.

Use Facts, Not Judgments

Using punishing or accusatory language with your teen is an invitation for him or her to respond angrily, or not at all. If you present your child with facts, you obligate him or her to respond to that information, rather than making things personal. Instead of saying, "you've been stealing alcohol from the fridge", try "I've noticed that alcohol has gone missing, and you're the only one who has been home".

Make Sure Everyone Feels Safe

Your teen might become defensive less because of what you are saying, but more because of why they think you are saying it. To keep things calm and rational, state your intentions. Tell your teen you aren't trying to make their decisions for them, but that you want to give them the information and support that he or she needs to make positive choices.

Be flexible about when you talk, but not about whether you do. Don't demand that conversations take place on your terms, on your timeframe. If you engage them about when they would like to talk, it seems more like a discussion, and less like a lecture.

Evaluate your Success

After you have a discussion, evaluate whether it was successful. Did you achieve your goals? Was it an open discussion, with face-to-face conversation? Did you do most of the talking, or did you teen participate as well? Keep in mind the things that worked and the things that didn't, and try to improve upon them next time.

Seek Consensus, Set Boundaries

By deciding upon boundaries and rules, such as curfews and other behavioral expectations, before a problem arises, they will be much easier to enforce if a problem arises. Discussing issues with your teen, and coming to decisions together gives your teen the sense that you are listening, and also makes them more responsible for the decisions the make, and any punishments that may follow.

Be Specific

Make sure your teen knows your exact expectations about alcohol and other drugs.

Be Consistent

Follow your own rules, and make sure your teen knows that the rules are to be maintained all the time, even outside the home.

Recognize Good Behaviour

When your child respects the rules, let them know you're proud.