Friends.

Got a bad feeling? Nothing feels worse than suspecting your friend might have a problem with drugs, alcohol or gambling.

Whether you’ve noticed he or she is drinking alone, getting high before class or just doesn’t seem to be the person you always knew, you’re probably pretty worried, and pretty upset.

Let’s face it. It’s scary stuff.

Still, as much as it sucks, the good thing is that the first step to helping your friend is noticing the problem. This is your chance to offer your support before things get any further out of hand.

Talking to your friend won’t be the easiest thing you’ve ever done in your life, but it could be one of the most important- here are some tips to help you help them.

Dress Rehearsal

Before you talk to your friend, you'll need to get ready. You’ll feel more confident in what you have to say, and have a greater effect on your friend if you prepare yourself.

Find somewhere you can be alone, and have a good, long think on the situation. Organize your thoughts, and consider what you’ll say. Your approach can make the difference between your friend listening to what you say, or getting upset and refusing to hear you.

Make sure your tone is assertive, but not aggressive. You want to make sure your friend realizes how strongly you feel about the situation, without making them feel as though you are judging or lecturing them.

You might want to do some research before you talk to your friend. The more information you have at your disposal, the better able you will be to tackle the issue with facts and solutions.

Laying it Out

Decide on a good time to talk.

You probably want to choose somewhere private, where you won’t be disturbed by other friends, parents or tv.

Calmly bring up your concerns and give some concrete examples of the changes that you've noticed in your friend.

Tell them you care about them, and miss how things used to be and that's why you want to talk.
It’s important to frame your concern in terms of positive things- don’t just say you’re upset, say you’re upset because he or she means so much to you.

Here are some things you might want to say:

• I want you to be safe- I’d be really upset if something happened to you.

• So many people love and count on you. What would they do if you weren’t here?

• You’ve got so much ahead of you. Don’t let drugs and alcohol ruin your future and chances get your drivers' license, graduate, go to college and get a job, etc.

• Is there anything I can do to help you? I am here for you.

• Is there anything else you want to talk about?

• If you need an adult to talk to, I’ll help you find someone you can trust.

• I’ll be here every step of the way.

Two Sides to Every Story

After you tell your friend how you feel, make sure you give him or her a chance to react to and discuss what you’ve said.

Listen closely to your friend, and make sure that you understand what he or she is saying- ask questions if you need to.

Your friend might need to talk about issues beyond the drugs, alcohol or gambling- it could be that a deeper issue is at the root.

Bringing in the Big Guns

If you think your friend's problem is more than the two of you can deal with together, it may be time to bring the issue up with your parents, your friend's parents, or another supportive adult (counselor, coach, doctor, etc.)

Take Care of Yourself

Helping a friend with a problem can feel like a big responsibility- it’s important that you get the support you need while you’re trying to help.

You might feel a lot of pressure to get your friend to stop doing what he or she is doing. You might feel discouraged if your efforts to help your friend don't work.

It’s really important for you to remember that you’re not responsible for the choices your friend makes. Ultimately, it’s up to your friend to make changes and you can't do that for him or her.

If your friend’s actions are putting you in danger, or if you are finding that no matter what you do, they refuse to listen or to get help, you may need to limit your time with him or her. It may be an incredibly difficult decision to make, but you need to take care of yourself.